Why do Relationships end up in Power Struggles Between Men & Women?

washing a mans feet

It’s true that it takes two in order to create a motivation rich environment for any intimate, trust bonded relationship to thrive. Internal motivation is the main ingredient that makes a partnership succeed. Obligation never created any successful union.

It is simply true that it is instinctual to protect ourselves, and a major triumph of transcendence to partner successfully. What we were never taught, that is so very vital to grasp, is that partnership is a choice that must be made over and over and over again, day in and day out.

This means we have to make space for the answer, on any given day or minute to be, “NO, I don’t want to do this with you anymore.” without fear that a sense of rejection may crush us dead. In order to create longevity we must not be afraid of loss, be in-fighting with each other and cultivate a focus on how our personal relating impacts the bigger world view.

Counter intuitive right ? Not really. It is counter to the norm we have all had wired into our operating systems by the culture. Our nature is actually highly intuitive and it desires freedom to choose and knows moment-by-moment re-commitment to serve as the foundation to all joyous, passionate living.

So, if it takes the mutual inner motivation of both parties for a partnership to thrive, then we really may want to do away with this whole clinging  to this war between the sexes idea. Fueling, normalizing and making a joke out of this perception will forever fail to serve the success of couples and our culture.

Most importantly, it doesn’t serve the children that are the product of people coupling up in all the many ways horny humans do, without much clarity around how to fulfill long term needs.  On the other hand, understanding the differences between the genders, and getting real about what constitutes showcasing love and respect in the minds and hearts of the opposite sex, is indeed, a highly productive venture.

foot washing

Most will agree that relationship/partnership success takes two people, willing to make the effort to motivate the other with what they each have to offer, freely from an inner desire. But, what does this really look and feel like?

When commitments are based on a temporary emotional state/high in combo with route norm following, the result can never be anything but a hot mess. The focus must be on the commitment to staying incredibly honest and proactive in all areas of life as a core value, not the norm. When one partner feels even the slightest inkling that internal motivation is falling off, this must serve as the cue to immediately re-connect with inner desire and be painfully honest. This is the proper place to put attention, laser focused on our commitment to honest, responsive living.

We must also honor that we have gender specific needs.  This is just a matter of our base survival system (cave boy and cave girl instinct is always running) working to protect us and continue the procreation of the species. Getting these needs met is about understanding our instinctual drives and merging them with our ability to transcend.

This is simply sexual power bouncing between the polarities of male and female. It isn’t as much about what happens with our genitals as it is how we manage ourselves when interacting with each other, not during sex but during the mundane, everyday moments of life.

If things aren’t going the way you would prefer in your relationships, then THAT alone is evidence that you need to shift your perspective. Gather the education and support you need, to start doing what YOU can to make it different. This is really the only true power we have, how we each individually choose to show up no matter what the other person is doing or not doing.


golden pussy

Here is where the magic happens…
this is where you get to reclaim your personal power

Consider this fellas …

If you think you are already protecting and providing for a woman
but are NOT getting the sex, affection, and respect you feel you deserve for it,
then I would respectfully submit that you may want to take a look at your definition of “protect and provide”, as it relates to HER definition. Scared? Then work on your fear first.

I guarantee you will be shocked at what you discover.
If you actually can get over your pride and culturally programmed thinking
long enough to apply what you learn, then I promise you WILL get better results. Massively better results.

Scared? Then work on your fear first.


Consider this ladies …

If you think you are already showing enough respect and offering a man all feminine essence you are capable of, but are NOT getting the sex, affection, and sense of security you feel you deserve for it, then I would respectfully submit that you may want to take a look at your definition of “nurturing femininity”, as it relates to HIS definition.

I guarantee you will be shocked at what you discover.
If you actually can get over your golden vagina entitlement issues,
and post-feminist culturally programmed thinking about men
long enough to apply what you learn, I promise you WILL get better results.
Massively better results.

Do you want to be “right” in your false sense of security or learn to open up to receive real security?



I think we all need to acknowledge that we are affected, even traumatized by, a long history of men’s abuse of power over women and not so long ago, a women’s rights movement that polarized this fact to an extreme. The result is that it is now scary for both men and women to do much of anything to improve life between men and women.

We sit and stagnate.
We atrophy with every day we continue to do nothing to wake ourselves up and create a new way.

We have become paralyzed in fear as a culture, afraid to act, afraid to make the “wrong” move. We now have normalized a modern system that is really only equal in our equal abuse of each other. Women lording power over men isn’t any more healthy or productive than when it was the reverse.

Progress is working together with our focus squarely on what actually works and not on trying harder to follow the confusing and outdated norm better. The map is not the territory.

Tourists looking at map --- Image by © Olix Wirtinger/Corbis

When men are supported to step up into conscious leadership, I believe they will do so with a loving intention. This shift in men will create motivation for women to let their guard down, and experience the amazing relief that strong, loving, guidance will provide. My 18 years talking to men in my office, about the things they never tell anyone else, causes me to believe this with confidence. 

It is a beautiful design, if we honor it.  We must first wake up to it, in order to honor it.  If we desire real, then we must be brave and offer what we have first so we can have the experience of what it feels like to do so and generate a response in return. It may not be what we were told it would be, or what we think we want at the time, but it will be real and belong fully to you. If we don’t live it as a real life experience and feel it in our bodies, it isn’t real and we don’t own it in our daily lives.

If he gets his real needs met, then she is getting her real needs met. Let that sink in a moment. Imagine no more wasted energy on power struggles! Wow, that is a lot of power that could be utilized differently!

Yes, we can choose to give your attention only to creating a motivation rich environment for all our important relationships. We have this choice every minute of everyday. Stay focused on what you DO want and the power struggles and drama will melt away or never even crop up.



Since we know men are uniquely wired for leadership, and women with a built in desire to be purposeful around strong purpose that makes sense to her core values, then I submit that it be men that break this cycle of competitive power struggling with women.

I suggest men now learn what the culture neglected to teach our young men as they grew up, how to provide loving leadership in their intimate relationships and woman learn how to minimize fear of this and place focus upon living in her full, beautiful expression of inspiration for all living things, including, of course, her special man and even wider, to nurture along all men she finds to be in need. 

See, it’s not a battle for power over another, at all. It’s just about being true to your core values as a person.

When a man is clear about who he is what he desires, what he stands for in life, then every time a woman presses (in all the weird ways women do) into him for verification that he is indeed clear, indeed interested in providing loving leadership in the relationship, the household, the pack, the office, that man will seize this as an opportunity to help her be at ease, access her feminine, and desire to be loyal to you and your cause in life.

When you let fear of loss and worry that you will somehow get it all wrong, guide the relationship, you will fail to improve life for yourself, her, your family, and life on this planet. Yeah, YOU have THAT much power dude.


 web rtm with Aggie wide shot

I am Michelle Terrell.
What is my life purpose?

I help one good man at a time, become more clear on his life purpose, gain emotional intelligence skills and learn what it takes to become a better leader of his own life.

In this way, his woman will become highly motivated to lend her powerful feminine nurturing and her inspiring sexy to his efforts in life, and in turn, contribute to her own highest good. What could be better that that? What could be better than working along side each other rather than facing off with each other in an adversarial way? 

Our nature knows. I am sorry to report, the current norm, we were all raised in is a set up for failure. I invite you to get in touch with your powerful nature instead of wasting energy on trying to get it “right” enough and spinning your wheels in useless power struggles. I promise there IS a better way.


Click a link to get started on your own relationship mindset and skill set upgrade >>>


Michelle Terrell has been a health and wellness coach since 1995. In those years she collected data and the real life testimonials of thousands of good men who were feeling lost and confused in their love lives. Her workshop students dubbed her The Pistol Whip Hippie because her teaching/coaching style is irreverent, in your face and radically honest (the Pistol Whip part) with the follow up being supportive, nurturing awakened energy (the Hippie part) that inspires men to strive to be their very best.

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