Understanding Attraction and My Vow to Never Participate in Emasculation Ever Again.
I emasculated my husband. Like most modern women, I didn’t know I was doing it. I didn’t understand how attraction worked back then.
Like me, my husband didn’t know the things that I now teach men about the nature of attraction.
Yes, were young, immature and under informed as is the statistically common thing to be when you get legally married. We were just following the rule book, mimicking what we saw others doing and operating out of unexamined emotional triggers from childhood.
I am grown now and very well informed about the difference between love and attraction. I have done my deep inner work, I can now clearly see my unconscious part in things.
I take full ownership of my past. I have evolved my femininity and healed my crippled masculine so I am now a woman of high value that is fully awake.
The old, deeply buried and highly rationalized by the current culture, compulsion to “take a man down a few notches” so I might achieve a brief and false sense of security has left me. I have real depth of security these days that comes within me and from my hope for a better future. I can see a new cultural norm for consciously conducting ourselves in our important relationships reaching a tipping point soon.
Naturally potent maleness or the less desirable current norm of the placation male/beta behaving man rarely activates my cave girl need to protect myself from that perceived threat or liability. Jealousy and possessiveness no longer rule my world, as it distracts and pretends to be love.
I am free to choose desire based, sustainable attraction and never the norm of emasculation ever again. I can choose to embody what universally generates attraction, conscious, loving and full alive relating instead.
I vow that what I did to that good man, due to my own insecurity and ignorance will never happen again… at least not for more that a few moments, and then I will full STOP and transmute that low practice into inspiration instead.
I was born female, therefore I was born with the power to inspire men to greatness. I choose to contribute what I have to greatness instead of to more crippling of the world. I believe that when our men are truly empowered, only then will women, children and the planet be truly safe and healed.
So here is my story, here is what happened back then in my personal history.
You may find yourself in this story.
You may choose to make changes to escape this low way of being as well.
I hope you do.
Like so many, I was following along with what social pressure said I “had to” do to be respected in a man’s work world, to be a fine example of the modern strong independent woman, to be a good example to my children and to be able to have culturally sanctioned sex.
I was acting more and more man-like so I could feel valuable according to the social norm standard of our worth and so my inner cave girl would quiet down and finally feel somewhat “safe” even if for brief periods of time. But I was never fully relaxed and the nagging feeling and the nagging behavior keep welling up in me and acting out.
I was not only handling more and more of life myself, but actively and unconsciously in the process of de-feminizing myself while reducing my man’s motivation to protect and provide for me. I was a one woman passion and motivation killing machine. I was ripping my kids off of a nurturing mother and the world off from access to my greatest gifts, which could only be fully activated in the feminine. It was a vicious cycle that killed desire and my spirit.
To be a socially acceptable prostitute (commonly called a wife in this culture) was what I was told would make me happy, whole and accepted by others.
I played my part with due diligence.
I was the “good girl”. I got married.
The Trap of the Norm
So why was it that I felt trapped in what others would have seen as a good marriage?
(as good as you can expect that sort of thing to be don’t ya know. Marriage is suppose to be hard work, right?)
I lashed out because my cage wasn’t making me happy.
Wasn’t it supposed to make me happy to do what everyone else was doing?
I felt obligated.
What I know now, is joy comes from freedom and pure choice. Attraction is based on feeling safe and free. Mystery and stability. I had no idea attraction was a different thing than love and required different care.
Going along, just doing things because “hey that’s just how we do thing around here, even though we don’t know why.” will never, ever have the capacity to bring pure joy. It will always fall short.
I didn’t really get to choose. The norm tracks us and the sense of choice is an illusion. Growing up, not only were options for how to do my sexual and coupled life not laid out before me as a young woman, but in this culture they were actively hidden from me.
Lack of choice will ALWAYS make for unhappy people.
So I began to a different path. I chose to become as consciously awake as I could in my lifetime.
My Current Path Loving Men Along
I now spend my days encouraging others to become fully educated to make a REAL choice, not to just to unconscionably just go along and delude oneself that a choice was made.
I encourage you to educate yourself so you know your choices.
Once you get clear you may want to join my mission to upgrade our society through doing our intimate relationships better. When we operate out of our own deeply felt and clearly understood internal motivations, rather than emotional triggers, illusions and outright lies. We besom agents for world peace. Micro to Macro baby!
Intimacy has nothing to do with pressure to conform and is, in fact, killed by it.
Yes there is a happily ever after story to breaking up with the norm. My ex and I are now enjoying a deeply inspired and stimulating friendship and co-parenting journey. We rise our son with joy because I no longer expect him to stay in that small “fenced in area” with me no matter what, just because he signed a government backed document. He and I both honor that our true nature was calling for a leveled up space in which to move and grow. He doesn’t expect me to honor the “fenced in area” more than to honor my truth and naturalness and I respect and honor him in the same way.
Our love, that was always there and always will be there, was given a healthy space to come alive and lead our interactions. The container it was forced to try to live in prior had become a small dark space where access to loving kindness was becoming more and more restricted and the sexy fire was being deprived of life giving oxygen. Love could not thrive there.
I got out of that trap of expecting him to be someone he was not and doing the disgusting act of emasculation. I got free through education and honesty. In turn, I displayed real love by setting him free as well.
Let’s be clear. I’m not anti marriage or into any sex based alternative sub culture. I am pro-passionate living. I am pro offering love the space and reverence it needs to grow. I know that the container, the externally sanctioned institution that we were told was designed to contain our love is not the priority to preserve, but rather the individuals within that container. Individual souls seeking to express that deserve the dignity of positive space for their unique life force to thrive.
I am Hell bent on providing, creating and supporting what which will promote more honest living, increased education and heightened awareness that we Do have choices and we CAN do better.
I now find myself in progressive leadership toward the inevitable new norm, which will lead to the next new norm and so on as it always does. You can be part of the tipping point or die clinging to the old outgrown ways. You have a choice.
I am happy to help you along if you choose conscious, conscientious coupling as your path.