The Only Reason You Really Need to Fully Commit in a Relationship

I feel the most pressing issue we must stop and look at in our culture right now, with the same level of reverence we give to political peace talks, would be creating clarity around the definitions and differences between the words Desire and Willingness.  

If we want to create solutions for the modern epidemic of massive relationship disconnect which leads to global lack of harmony, a thoughtful examination of the difference between feeling we that we “HAVE to” and what it takes to cultivate an enthusiastically “WANTing to” must be addressed. 

There is a huge difference between going through unconscious motions of obligatory willingness and the conscious action of generating influence/attraction in a relationship. One can buy/contract willingness but NEVER desire.

Women today have a sense of diminished motivation, and apathy even, to offer men what gifts we have to lend to a man’s success. They don’t NEED men to survive. So why?

If this lack of desire is to be healed and motivations upgraded, then as individuals and as a culture we will need to examine the point of being in a relationship at all in these modern times.
We will need to:

* shed light upon how a man can cultivate a woman’s desire to partner with him.

*  examine how a man can build confidence in his abilty to lead a woman and open her to him.

* look at the role modern women will have to play and the skills they will have to learn to love men Up, along and through a claiming of his compassion driven power that penetrates her and the world with his purpose.


I discuss the process of this in great depth in my coaching programs but at some point, we have to stop looking at the practical how-to and shift our whole focus to the bigger picture….WHY, why, why?

Why even be in a relationship? Why would self sufficient women seek out a man to partner with in these times? More and more women are opting out altogether. Why would she attach herself to more work? This must be addressed in order to move forward in creating healthy relationships and if any real peace- keeping progress is to be made as a culture.


rosie the rivitor


So why then?

I respectfully suggest that the only reason any of us should ever consider committing to becoming a couple is to access the process of self discovery as profoundly as possible. To access our deep inner work in a way that it can not be reached through any other means in the same unique way. This is the only real, viable, bottom- line reason to couple up in a deeply committed and long- term way in our modern and ever- evolving world. Any other reason is too petty, too weak of intention to yield much true success.

This deep intention of creating personal self- discovery alliances (becoming a committed couple) covers all the bases. It provides for the whole tribe and it has joy- filled intimacy- building potential in its raw, realness.

Nothing will trigger you with the same quality and richness as going deeply into a love and sex relationship, nothing. Nothing will heal you and the world like having your love enthusiastically received and being able to fully receive the love and present attentiveness of another in the unique cocoon of a long term relationship. 

It is THE perfect vehicle for deep discovery work and self improvement… if you embrace it as such… if you have enough emotional stability in your Yang aspect to use it wisely… if you understand the primal instincts that are always running in yourself and the opposite sex…if….only…..


guy in tree


In this new relating frame, women provide men motivation in an evolved manner. Women provide the fuel and the fire to refine men to personal greatness and in turn, men will enhance the corner of the world where they hold influence. The time of the inspiring muse is NOW!

Oh, of course, young men will always have a biologically induced lust for life which motivates them to conquest, but when they choose a woman that doesn’t NEED a man, well, then they must be brave as a grown man is brave. That step, in and of itself, is a step toward depth of purpose, connection and joy.

When a man steps up to a high value woman he seeks to align with a woman that is uniquely qualified to provide a bench mark for his personal growth. She is prepared and able to provide him higher motivation.  She must have clear intention to help inspire him to tap into motivation beyond what his physical conquest of her could ever provide.




Most men, and especially the very larger group of under skilled men the culture has created as the norm in today’s world, can not and will not, provide this additional, necessary inner motivation to strive to be their very best selves. Life is too comfortable and it’s too easy not to drop back into the comfort of distraction and escapism. The modern dude needs new levels of fresh inspiration from an age old, tried and true source, women. 

As a culture we are so discontented in a mind/body way we can’t expect many men to generate motivation on their own, from an internal source that pushes them into discomfort and challenge.  Most are still stuck having to feed off of the tit of others’ purpose driven lives and the approval/overt seduction by women to have any life force surging through them at all.

Make no mistake, the internal sourcing IS there, it IS coded in every man’s DNA to some extent, but women will now have to step up in social leadership if they want more empowered men in the world.

Women will have to adjust how they are consciously relating to men in order to inspire men to want to activate the inner motivation that waits, dormant in every woman, the call written in her DNA to be a muse for him.

Until modern men have been rehabilitated and upgraded to their new glory and can tap into their own well of inner motivation, it will fall upon the modern, healthy, leveled up woman to show up in the world with a conscious intention to inspire men to new and improved greatness. 

Women will have to step up their game as mothers of son’s so as not to mistake nurturing for coddling and accidentally raise boys into the type of men that ease right into being emasculated by the next generation of women.

They will become Man-Boys that are ill- equipped to lead with loving intent. If we want what we SAY we want then we must find a way to break free of our apathy and complaining to become part of the solution. Do we want to be “right”, right now? Or have an amazing world to leave to our children?

If women want change. We have to enrich the inspiration and never hold back our fiery expression of frustration out of fear. We have to harness our emotional power to help men to help themselves and trust that, in turn they will provide us what we crave from them. 

The result will be what woman are crying for, starving to death for…. high value men that can lead women in powerful loving presence.

be a better man



Men Start Here >>> The Integrated Man  

Women Start Here >>> The Love Men UP Project


Michelle Terrell has been a health and wellness coach since 1995. In those years she collected data and the real life testimonials of thousands of good men who were feeling lost and confused in their love lives. Her workshop students dubbed her The Pistol Whip Hippie because her teaching/coaching style is irreverent, in your face and radically honest (the Pistol Whip part) with the follow up being supportive, nurturing awakened energy (the Hippie part) that inspires men to strive to be their very best.

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