My Journey Change Her Mood, Change the World

About 12 years ago, I reached a milestone in my career as a love life coach. There have been many-a-tipping points over the years, but this may have been the most significant thus far, because it led me to a core teaching principle.  To date, this principle has given more men a greater relief than anything else I have provided in my decade of working with and supporting them along their personal empowerment journeys in a professional capacity.

Once I saw the pattern and asked a better question of myself as their coach, my eyes became open in a new way.  I began looking for a solid practical solution for a consistent issue my clients had been coming to me with over and over, year after year. I heard them, and while I provided peripheral relief, I didn’t yet have clear steps to teach them how to get to a place of deep knowing within themselves, specifically around the matter of drama inducing females.

My first significant eye-opener was embracing the fact that ALL women will bring drama and upheaval to a man’s world, including me.  As a woman, this was not the most comfortable thing to acknowledge and integrate into my work.  Once I came to terms with this thought, the question then became WHY the heck to women do it?  HOW can I help men harness this so it can be put to good use instead of it driving their relationships into the ground?

So I took note of this common theme men were sharing with me. They expressed feeling drained by power struggles and drama in their lives with women. It became clear that I needed to address this matter with laser like effectiveness before I could help them make any significant progress with any of their other areas of concern. This seemed to be the key to success but how could I make it relevant and simple to apply?

So I took note of this common theme men were sharing with me. They expressed feeling drained by power struggles and drama in their lives with women. It became clear that I needed to address this matter with laser like effectiveness before I could help them make any significant progress with any of their other areas of concern. This seemed to be the key to success but how could I make it relevant and simple to apply?

I took an inventory of my clients and their motivations. They were good guys that just wanted things to go smoothly with women. They had a drive to eliminate, or at least minimize, drama in their lives. My job as their love life coach was to help them achieve that basic goal, so I started to gather from them. I recorded and processed years and years of men saying the same things repeatedly, looking closely for a pattern. If I could find the pattern, I could create a solution, and antidote if you will. 

Once I identified a pattern, it was time to run some experiments in an effort to test my theories. I started to give them small social experiments to try with women in general, and more specific methods in their marriages in order test my theories. Shockingly, the results we observed were hugely transformational. 

These men were having a complete turn-around in their experiences with women that was surprising, even to me!  This was so very encouraging and powerful!  More importantly, these results fit with my desire to help men create peace in their individual bodies, increase joy in their homes and quiet their over-worked minds in order to impact a global vision of harmony in the world. I had a big frame on what has now become the most laser focused lesson I teach… Change Her Mood NOT Her Mind!

Through my years of spiritual studies and my healing arts education, I had been introduced to the idea that as a world culture, we were in a transition time in our human evolution. Many of my mentors spoke of this time in human evolution as a time when we are all working on personal emotional stability and embodiment of peace within, so that we might have greater harmony in the world. The book “The Shift to 5th Dimension” by Dr Nicky Hamid explains this concept well.  

To me, it only made sense that couples would be working out this worldwide growth in their relationships in all kinds of confusing and messy ways. I knew that once I helped my clients and students see the big picture they would be less confused, feel less attacked as individuals and become more empowered in their lives with women and in general.

Whenever humanity is in a collective transition time, it is always challenging. There will be people that cling to the old ways as well as those that rush with enthusiasm to the new ways. What we are seeing now are teachers stepping up to provide balance and direction to this chaotic energy. They are guiding and harnessing this wild energy so that we can develop to our next evolutionary step globally. This sounds like a woman and what a good man provides her doesn’t it?

Of course, in any time of transition there will also be a crop of profiteering types that seek to use the confusion and the newly or re-discovered lessons to line their pockets and boost their egos.

The value and purpose of my work became more and more clear.  About 8 years ago, I had a pick-up artist show up in my yoga studio to sit in on a series of classes that I was offering men on attraction. I could see his eyes light up with $$$ signs as he scanned the standing room only class room filled with men eager to learn. He asked to work with me on instructing these men. I agreed to stay open and give him a chance.

I had never heard of a pick-up artist, but I’m always open to learning and this guy appeared to have some pieces of the puzzle that I was missing. He also had the skill set and drive to take the men out into real world social settings and coach them there. Practical life application with support made so much sense to me. My students could take what I was teaching as a concept and walk it out in real life settings to try it out.  Awesome! I was excited for this opportunity!

As we started to build an alliance and began working together, the main value he brought was his ability to relate to these guys and meet the average dude where he lived; he was able to generate motivation to learn…. meeting these guys down in their lust and neediness. He had a good system for breaking down lessons to make them relatable and attainable to the average emotionally and socially under developed man. 

Here I was with a Masters Degree in Education, but writing this type of curriculum was not my strong suit. I was intrigued with how he was able to create digestible systems for teaching that were specific for men that were struggling in their ability to relate to women well.

The day that it all came full circle for me and made all my years of data collection useful, was listing to the way he explained the PUA version of female sub conscious “testing” for her security, which he called a “shit test”. I knew this concept inside and out, but had been attempting to explain it in a more academic and psychologically oriented way. It was frustrating and time consuming to explain to my clients.  I realized that I could get all fancy pants on the topic or I could speak in guy lingo from a perspective that mattered to men the most and actually gave my clients instant relief.  

It seems so biased and almost sleazy, and yet I reasoned that I had dropped out of traditional education and counseling work because I wanted to help people in a more meaningful, practical and instant way. This was a fast track means for teaching that helped my clients hit the ground running, married or single! This was the missing piece I had been searching for! This was the direction to keep moving in order to grow in my teachings!

Armed with this missing lesson, I also had the connection to how this worked for first approach with single guys, in business, creating friendships and building their social circles, along with how that related to long term success in a relationship. It all started to come together. “Change Her Mood, NOT Her Mind” was born as a private coaching lesson, a class, a book; in 2012 it became a significant portion of my first product on the market “How to Handle TODAY’s Woman”, a home study audio course.

Fast forward to last week… one of my colleges in this field reached out to me, pointing out that it seemed like a lot of newbies in the seduction community were suddenly using the tag line “Change Her Mood” and that some were even using my entire phrase, “change her mood, not her mind”. He was upset that they had potentially ripped off my lesson, and further twisted it into just another method to manipulate, not help women.

My thought was that if it was helping more people, then what did it matter if I got “ripped off”?  It is not like there is any new riff in rock n roll anyway, right? I told myself that there is SO much work to do on this matter that we need as many great teachers as we could find to help men along.

Then, at his urging, I took a closer look… Oh my!

In the brilliant discussion that followed my research, he pointed out that the very foundation that I taught was missing from these other teachings. The WHY, the bigger picture motivation for providing emotional stability to the feminine was missing from these articles. They had a limited focus on a benefit just for that one man and one woman, not the world. 

He observed that the number one thing that was missing from every one of these articles was the bigger global frame. The frame I always provided men.

This ripped off, diluted pick-up artist version focused on the GETTING of one woman and further, getting one over on women. It appealed to the under developed needy guy that only wanted to know how to learn short cuts to GET a certain result from women and GETTING off more easily.  The focus was not on how to live an amazing life as whole man, part of a bigger purpose. The hidden agenda was, as always, keeping men stuck in that limited focus so that a profit could be made. 

Now, there is nothing wrong with making a living with ones expertise as a professional educator, but there is an ethical issue I have with purposely attempting to keep men stuck in order to make a profit. Our modern male population has enough to overcome without people of influence further confusing matters and misleading our men into a dead end. The world NEEDS strong male leadership that is awake to the greater possibilities, not just interested in getting his dick wet. 

As my friend and I talked this through, he seemed the most concerned that it appeared as though these other teachings were focused on teaching men techniques specifically on how to get a woman to stay. He saw this as manipulative and maybe in a pick-up type of way it is, however, in MY way of framing it was a positive as long as a man keeps growing as a person and deepening his clarity around the motivation for desiring her to stay.

See, if a man doesn’t know how to generate enough attraction to cause a woman to desire to stay around, how will he ever get a chance to unpack who he really is for her?

How will he be able to find out more about her to qualify or dis-qualify her to be in his life?

It seemed to me that my friends concern was about the tone of the motivation and intent these other articles set. None of it seemed to be in alignment with my original version of Change Her Mood, Not Her Mind.  We decided that it was important that I challenge this mis-guided intent and reframe it with a clear and upgraded intention.

What we realized is that there is an observable scale of measurement to use to assess where men are developmentally. There is a GETTER intention on the low end of the scale and there is a Building-a-Desire-in-Her-to-Want-to intention at the high end, and a few vital stages in between. Guess where the needy dudes get stuck?  And where powerful, high value men gravitate to?

There seem to be 5 distinct stages of development in men beyond their teen years as it relates to their ability to relate to their own sense of self and women.

So, here is the breakdown of how using “Change Her Mood Not Her Mind” looks at every stage. There is no judgment on any of these stages. You are where you are and that is perfect for YOU. 

 

1) The Below 101 Level Dude
He is that under developed dude that is just starting his journey to empower himself in his life with women for his own person reasons. Using Change Her Mood Not Her Mind just to get her to stay is an accomplishment in and of itself. The longer he can hold her attention, in any capacity, even with tricks – the more of a win it is. He is captivated by the conquest more than the woman a person.

His Mindset:
He feels burdened by this idea that men must lead in these interactions, and is still a bit pouty and put out about women being so difficult. He complains and blames in an amount equal to or more so than he makes an effort to grow. Most of what he does is still tainted by fear of rejection.  He processes what women have to say that feels harsh or too close to home emotionally as “mommy being mean” to him instead of as vital feedback to be utilized wisely.

The Women He Attracts:
Women are dismissive of this type of man and do not go out of their way to help support him unless he is family or they are being paid to act like they care. The women that do seek him out do so to use him for the resources he brings, or are very emotionally immature and thus in a dire straights due to their own poor life skills and application of such.  They may also simply be too sheltered and naive to know any better.

 

2) The 101 Level Basic Guy
He can hold a woman’s attention socially for as long as he likes.  He is using less tricks and more real conversation and genuine connection to do so.

His Mindset:
He can hear what women complain about with regard to men with interest and isn’t so emotionally charged about it. He is able to feel that there is something he needs to work on, but is still confused about what or how.  He isn’t fully convinced as to why he should make an effort. He is still struggling with integrating an internal motivation. His focus is still mostly around personal gain, with brief glimpses of the bigger picture now and then. 

The Women He Attracts:
The women in his world see him as boyfriend potential, but also see that potential isn’t fully developed yet.  Women will often desire a friendship with this guy, or possibly have sex with him once or twice, but only lower quality women (women with less assets to offer a man) will consider him a man worth investing herself in as his girlfriend. 

 

3) The Balanced Motivator
He can shift a woman’s emotional state with confidence by using the practices of Change Her Mood Not Her Mind but still isn’t fully at ease with it as his natural way. He still has to think about what he is doing and it still feels a bit like a burden on him and all men, but has the bigger goal in mind in all that he does.

His Mindset:
He can clearly see the bigger picture reasons for being a man that is part of a global solution, not just to attain something in for his own limited personal use.   

The Women He Attracts:
The women in his world stay a while and then move on, having only offered a portion of their gifts and support to him. 

 

4) The Empowered Gifter
He sees his ability to stabilize feminine energy as a gift he can offer specific women in an intense way and in a more general way to any unstable energy he encounters, without feeling drained or burdened.  Change Her Mood Not Her Mind has become his super power. 

His Mindset:
He is at ease now that he feels he understands that a big part of his purpose on Earth as a man is Change Her Mood Not Her Mind, and he has a strong a willingness to provide it to anyone in need. He can feel the joy this brings women and it fills him with a sense of self-esteem that is highly attractive and respectable. 

The Women He Attracts:
He is the most likely to settle into a deep, long term relationship and continue his emotional growth work via the twists and turns of an intense exchange over time with one high value woman or just a few very special women.

 

5) The Artist
He is fully integrated with his desire for sexual interactions with women and his desire to make the world a better place. 

His Mindset:
He can take or leave sex and women and often gets caught up in offering his bigger creative gift to the world to the point of ignoring his personal sex life. He doesn’t simply use Change Her Mood Not Her Mind for his own purpose or even as a gift to just the women of the world. He uses it to create purposeful stability in the larger world picture and stays in that frame consistently.

The Women He Attracts:
Women enjoy being around him, give him space to do his art and support him with her unique nurturing gifts. They respect him for being so strong and clear in his purpose, even if it isn’t fully profitable according to worldly terms of success.  

 

What developmental psychologists and behavioral health professionals will tell you is that men learn their masculinity and thus their capacity to relate well to women, through rites of passage and taking on challenges. So whatever stage you are in, just simply where you are right now, it just IS – however if you avoid challenges, you will get stuck. Accept and own the stage you are in, because through embracing it you can build upon that stage and keep deepening your experience with women.

The problems come in when men get stuck in a stage and refuse to keep doing the work to keep growing. They never level up due to fear blocks or feels that being a GETTER type of guy is so much better than what he was prior that, that he has no motivation to keep going and work with the mess of his emotional life. It isn’t necessarily that HE is such a mess but the work IS messy and challenging. 

For example, a man that has been studying how to pick-up for years on end or is 50 and still in GETTER stage is simply pathetic and unattractive to grown women and isn’t of any benefit to the world. In fact, he actually becomes a drain on the world resources like a giant leach. Boys in men’s bodies lurking about, fixated on getting women or how to get one over on women. are not a value to the world. 

Further, when these skills are used to manipulate and cause hurt, it creates extra work for the more evolved and uplifting folks in the world that could be put to much more constructive use. It makes life harder for everyone when we don’t have strong, loving MALE leadership in the world that has a deep desire to offer stability to an in stable society.

Stop making extra work for mommy and daddy and start showing up as a man that has the power to change not only his world, but her world and the WHOLE world! Keep moving though these levels and start feeling whole, start feeling really heard, and start attracting the utmost of regard and respect from others. 

My focus when I teach Change Her Mood Not Her Mind is to help men cultivate a strong internal desire to offer stability as his gift to the larger world, as his lifestyle. I teach and support men because the more men we have in the world that are at ease in keeping inner desire high will keep a sense of rejection and disconnect low. THIS is good for the world we are leaving behind to our children. Care to join me on this mission?

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Michelle Terrell has been a health and wellness coach since 1995. In those years she collected data and the real life testimonials of thousands of good men who were feeling lost and confused in their love lives. Her workshop students dubbed her The Pistol Whip Hippie because her teaching/coaching style is irreverent, in your face and radically honest (the Pistol Whip part) with the follow up being supportive, nurturing awakened energy (the Hippie part) that inspires men to strive to be their very best.

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